Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
