I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
