what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
