So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
