My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
