he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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