I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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