he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The ass gains better be worth it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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