i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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