not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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