How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
