He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
