you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
