I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
