Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so let's talk penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
