shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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