I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
