Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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