I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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