WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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