First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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