note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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