i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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