Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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