and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
