O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
