He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
