The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We need a shit load of segways right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
