Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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