His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
