yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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