she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
