hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
