I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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