never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
