Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
