My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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