vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
