You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
