I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
