the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
