Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
