i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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