if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
