Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
