She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
