ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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