Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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