Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
