cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
