He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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