I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
