I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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