Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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